Review before you resolve

Review before you resolve

It’s that time again. We are past the end of the year festivities, and thoughts turn toward future aspirations.

Before you craft that vision board though, I’m going to encourage you to pause and take stock of your progress of the past year.

What got done? What got better? What went well? Leave out “well, except…” qualifying statements. I don’t want to hear where your brain says you came up short. Give yourself credit for what you accomplished.

Then, and only then, go ahead and think about what you will strive for next.

Here’s a few of mine.

We got a Peloton treadmill in October. I am on a 16 week streak (was using the app before the equipment purchase), and have completed 27 runs and 3 tread bootcamps, and a bunch of yoga or stretching sessions, walks, even a few meditations. And that’s with having to slow down for a few weeks after a bad fall at Thanksgiving!

I’ve had 544 consecutive days of meditation with Insight Timer.

I am steadily approaching level 35 in Pokémon Go in under 11 months. (And that was under duress, my son literally took my phone and created an account for me so he could have someone to play with in real life 😂)

I published 15 blog posts. (This surprises me, I just counted and was sure it was far fewer!)

There’s plenty of other things to measure, and honestly taking time just now to do this is getting me much more excited to cast a vision for 2022. 

Were these numbers my goals? Heck no! But I really would not have guessed correctly if you asked me how well I had done. 

Please take time to acknowledge all the things you did. And then when you feel that spark rekindling, see yourself in your mind’s eye excited to take the next steps.

My desires for 2022?

I have a number of blog drafts for waiting for me. And So. Many. More. Ideas.  I want to devote more time to writing, on at least an every two weeks basis. 

I’m aiming for the January activity and running challenges on Peloton. I should get bronze in running (10+ miles) and gold in activity (20 active days).

Top on my reading pile:  Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World.

I have just as many work-in-progress or waiting-to-be-started craft endeavors as blog posts. I’m counting on Eve Rodsky's book (above) to nudge me to get back to those.

My list of things for my member area on this website is also extensive. I have fun doing this and I’m going to give myself the gift of focused time, especially this winter.

I would love to hear about your review. What are you proud of, or surprised to realize you accomplished?


JOY YOUR LIFE

JOY YOUR LIFE
Joy has been a theme for me this summer.  Despite pandemic fatigue. In fact, probably even more so because of pandemic fatigue.
 
I’ve especially focused my meditation practice on joy, and the course through Insight Timer called Ritualize Your Joy was so rich I had to listen to it twice.
 
Of note: all the meditations and podcasts I listened to focused on joy being something we access, rather than something that happens.  
 
Other words they used:
awaken
attune to
rekindle
elicit
            your joy.
 
 
We find our joy by tuning into our senses, practicing gratitude, caring for our nervous systems, and participating in things that involve belonging and meaning. More on these in future blog posts.
 
We also support joyfulness by separating ourselves from habits, people, or mindsets that confine or harm us.
 
Not everything that creates joy is instantly blissful.  In fact, we often need to delay quick relief (hidden much of the time as pleasure) in service of joy.  As my son and I pursue our new running goals, we have to nudge each other on sometimes (a prime reason I asked him to do this with me, I know how easily I can talk myself into “tomorrow-ing” my workouts). I can’t say yet that while running I am feeling any physical delight, but the joy of our after dark neighborhood jogs has become a highlight of late summer.
 
An exercise I am finally doing today after the summer of pondering joy is to RATE joyful experiences.   
 
I listened to this episode of Oprah's podcast on the way to a gathering at a friend’s beautiful home on a lake.  Oprah talked of the small daily pleasures and gave them 1- to 5-star ratings of the joy she can feel when she is present in her enjoyment.  The two trips I made for friend lake time took lots of energy and were 5+++ star moments of my summer. My morning coffee can be a 1 if I’m distracted, and a 3 if I sit outside in the early light and set aside everything else for a few moments.
 
Today I’m going to be on the lookout for my four- and five-star joys.  The ones that bring on that “mmmmm.” I can tell you a few recent ones right now: late-night talks and long walks with friends. Running with my son, especially when we high-five after giving the last 30 seconds our all. Sliding onto my massage therapist’s new super satiny sheets. Laying in the dark at a campground looking for meteors (we didn’t see any) with family and friends. Putting that drop of the essential oil blend Joy over my heart in the morning.
 
A conversation I have often at work is what I see as the misunderstanding of “you have to love yourself first.”  We’ve interpreted love to be a feeling that just comes, but I think it is meant in this statement as a behavior. Loving yourself means giving yourself good food, good boundaries, good body movement, and on and on.
 
So, what will you do today, right this minute, to joy your life?
 
 
 
“Joy is scared; it’s something to be accessed, not pursued.”  - Lalah Delia


Unplug

Unplug
This is going to be the shortest post ever.

COVID fatigue is REAL.  I'm seeing it and feeling it.  

Summer is my favorite, and I normally get a boost of energy and feel productive, but this year it's been slow in coming. 

This past weekend, I got my first chance in forever to really unplug.  Like couldn't get internet signal if I wanted to - we were a ten minute drive from the closest cell phone range, which was then slow and spotty.

I came back feeling...not new, but mentally cleared out. I can see the same piles of stuff waiting for my attention and not sink into apathy.

I have lots I've wanted to write about here, and the fatigue had been part of what was keeping me from sitting at my keyboard.  I'm a little more hopeful now that I can gather and compose my thoughts.  

In the meantime, I can suggest that if the pandemic fatigue is a weight you are carrying, a serious unplug may be just the thing.



Some Favorite Quotes, and Reflections on Languishing

Some Favorite Quotes, and Reflections on Languishing
Do you collect quotes like I do?
 
I’ve done this for years.  I have notebooks and digital documents full.  
 
And now…they are on my phone.  It’s so easy to grab a photo file from social media! I was actually organizing them the other day and decided to share a few that speak to me right now:
 
You are not a machine. You are more like a garden. You need different things on different days. A little sun today, a little less water tomorrow. You have fallow and fruitful seasons. It is not a design flaw. What does your garden need today? - @joynessthebrave
 
And don’t think the garden loses its ecstasy in the winter. It’s quiet, but the roots are down there riotous. – Rumi
 
Eat like you love yourself. Move like you love yourself. Speak like you love yourself. Act like you love yourself. – Tara Stiles

Sensing the theme?  With all the messages about how to achieve balance and consistency, it's so important to have the reminder that, usually, balance happens over time, and that figuring out today's needs may beat doing the same thing each day.

I'm curious, is anyone else just recently realizing they had a pretty hard winter and spring?  I mean I know the world did, but as someone lucky to be at home and safe over the past year and a half, it was just recently that I realized everything built up and had a bigger impact than I had registered.

A friend shared last month she realized she had felt both "raw and burnt."  That really spoke to me.  

I think what really made me aware was when I didn't get my usual burst of energy that comes with the longer days of spring.  Right into summer, I've had a certain amount of lethargy. Some people identified this as languishing, like in this article.

It's early July and I am finally getting the boost that I'm used to in May.  I'm on vacation which certainly helps, but I was careful this past year to take the same number of vacations even when we couldn't go anywhere.  

The article above talks about "finding your flow" to get out of the languishing whirlpool.  I certainly was not in flow most of the winter.  

Steps I've taken in recent weeks: 

I went to a watercolor painting class with friends, taught by a friend.  (So good to finally be all vaccinated and able to do this!) Painting is very outside my comfort zone and doing something so new jazzed me up. If you are in her New Hampshire neighborhood, consider a workshop with Martina Cyr!

I led an Aroma Freedom class with some Young Living friends, and then last week I finally made quiet time to do a session for myself.  AF combines aromatherapy with neurolinguistic processing (my favorite psychotherapy tool) to shake loose some unhelpful thinking patterns.  

Have you experienced the languishing, and how are you figuring out what the garden you are needs right now?

Part of my flow this season is teaching again.  If you need some help with some limiting thoughts, would you like to do an Aroma Freedom class?  Shoot me a message, we can make it happen.




Counseling - it's not just venting

Counseling - it's not just venting
“I can’t imagine doing your job as a counselor.  How do you listen to people’s problems all day? That must be so stressful!”
 
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that…
 
Well, I DON’T listen to people’s problems all day.  That WOULD be miserable, for them and for me.  
 
In early sessions I tell people it is “my job is to work myself out of a job.”   If therapy is going well, then things get better, and we finish.  If they don’t get better…then we have to rethink the approach and maybe even have them go work with someone else.   
 
As I mentioned recently, tt’s actually a cool time to be in mental health right now.  We have so many tools and strategies to teach people.
 
Functional medicine helps people see how nutrition and deficiencies can cause and heal things like depression and anxiety.  When someone says they can’t really understand why they feel how they do (because in general life is good) I try to get them to have an evaluation by an integrative medicine practitioner.  Because there’s no talk therapy to get their vitamin D or inositol levels up.  And since most serotonin (a big feel good neurotransmitter) is made in the gut, intestinal health has to be looked at for chronic conditions.
 
Polyvagal theory explores how to engage the nervous system in a helpful way.  Yoga, music therapy, simple breath work, can give folks a chance to finally feel good in their bodies.
 
Neurolinguistic programming, which totally changed how I work in my practice, lets me teach clients to “edit” their memories.  We have great success stopping memories from popping in uninvited, getting rid of nightmares, and resolving phobias.
 
There’s even a way to use neurolinguistic programming with aromatherapy, my other love!   Oh, and people don’t even have to tell me about what they are working on if they don’t want to.  
 
Honestly the biggest challenge often is figuring out any reasons someone might subconsciously be cautious of change.  (Which is normal, it just needs to be brought into awareness so we can work with it.)
 
Milton Erickson taught his patients and students, “don’t dam the river, channel the river.”  The river is headed somewhere important, but we can have some say in how it gets there.

If you've had therapy and didn't find it helpful, or have been worried that it would be years of reliving all the yuck in your life, please know that there are really good targeted treatments now.  


 
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