I’m a bit of a self-improvement junkie. I love reading about strategies to make life better. Many of the things that can bring on improvement are very simple, but that does not mean easy.
A book I read a few years back has stuck with me because it teaches about our own tendencies and how what works for one person may be the opposite of what works for someone else.
Gretchen Rubin wrote The Four Tendencies when she realized that how people react to expectations is a key part of whether or not we meet them. She grouped people into four categories: Upholder, Questioner, Rebel, and Obliger. Take her quiz here to find out where you land.
When I learned I was in the Obliger category and that I do best with external accountability, I had a big “aha” moment. Obligers can keep commitments if it we believe it impacts others but find it harder if we believe it only impacts ourselves. This is why “just schedule your day” to include the goals we have for ourselves isn’t the easy answer all the time management gurus say it is. “Put it on your calendar as an appointment” won’t necessarily make me keep that appointment if I believe no one else will be harmed if I bail.
Notice I said above “if we believe.” Because I think that is the crux – and the golden ticket. If I can feel in my core that someone else needs me to do something, I will make it happen, good or bad. In recent years I’ve been doing good work evaluating if the commitments I’ve been keeping are serving others. I’m letting myself think before making them and even after I’ve said yes.
All this is to say I have some habits I’ve drifted away from, and I know I will do best if someone else is counting on me.
What tendency group are you in? If you are an Obliger, how do you create accountability for yourself especially for things like self-care?
Do you need/want an accountability partner or group?
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